There’s nothing like an orgy at the Borgias,
They’re decadent, stylish and gorgeous,
While the Vatican caterers to God’s senior priest
Never fail to provide a most memorable feast.
There’s bumble bee dip and mousse of mouse,
And lip of hare and tongue of grouse,
Rib Eye of Papal Bull au jus,
And budgerigar soup and cockatoo stew.
Lamb’s hearts stuffed with sturgeon’s eggs
And crumbed and battered terrapins’ legs.
Red wine from France and sunny Spain
Gushing from fountains like tropical rain.
The white wine’s one of Latium’s best;
It’s that Vatican favourite, ‘Est Est Est’.

A conga line of Cardinals is cutting a rug
While a bevy of doxies give their cassocks a tug.
Two Legates are posing in crutchless hose
Raising a cheer when they touch their toes.

The Pope’s daughter, Lucretia, is up to her tricks,
Doing handstands and dancing without any knicks
And looking quite absolutely divine
As she seasons with poison her husband’s white wine.

A game called Excommunication
Involves sodomy and casual fornication.
It’s performed in groups of threes and fours
On an intriguing stage of revolving doors.


Dirty, dusty, teeming Kuta
Overrun with motorskuta
Steamy, luscious, emerald Ubud
Paddies full of tasty ricepud.
For every type of coloured niknak
The place to go is Seminyak
With shops of see-thru, pink sarongs
Assorted, coloured, rubber thongs
And bargain clothes that don’t quite fit you
And some that look quite odd ex-situ.
The God of airplanes is great Garuda
(Shiva’s statues are much ruder).
It all began when Top God, Brahma
Infused all Bali with his Karma.
Now the offerings at every candi
Are made by VISA (which comes in handi).
Sukarnaputri Megawati,
Slightly owlish, somewat potti;
Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono,
Molto furbo, molto buono.
Monsoon rain falls pit-a-pat,
Don’t forget to pak a mak.
Hottest sun’s at 12 o’clock;
You’re dead by 5 without sunblock.
Every daytang, every nitetang,
Open up an ice-cold Bintang.
Niknak paddiwak
Yum yum, Big Mak Snak.
Nasi Goring, Mee Goring,
Boring, Boring,
Boring, Boring.
Order up a Krispi Duk;
Taste’s the same, Oh, what the fuk!
Kamar Ganti
Nylon Panti
Salamat Pagi
Onion Baji
Wam bam thanku Mam
None today, it’s Ramadam.